My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
Mind intentionally left blank...
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Born Free........Taxed to Death.
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
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