Funny One Liners for the weekend

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

.He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.

Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.

Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.

Money is the root of all wealth.

Don't judge a book by its movie.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

Meandering to a different drummer.